One year ends...another begins...

HAPPY NEW YEAR...

Anyone there??? I am again wondering if this blog thing is JUST a waste of my time. I don't really think anyone reads it...even though I'm told to continue. I think I'm going to revert to JUST email...SO MY NEW YEAR WILL EXCLUDE THIS BLOG!

I will not miss checking to see if anyone has read it...I don't expect to be missed or even to hear much from anyone by email. Makes me kind of sad, but FREE, actually!

OKAYBYE!

Christmas Season...Going FAST...

Yeah...It always does if you're a "growed up"! I'm enjoying the music and the JOY. Some people get crabby when shopping, but most of them seem able to "share". I like to talk to "strangers" and sometimes I "listen", too. It's good to share.

I'm a little less interested in my blog again. I guess it's kind of like not sending Christmas cards. I've not done that for the past few years and don't miss doing them. I used to love it, but there's plenty else to do at this time of year AND I also enjoy the relaxed feeling I get from NOT doing them. I used to LOVE it, but things change as we age. If someone really cares they'll be in touch at other times of the year. I received a card from a friend's daughter today. My friend died of cancer several years ago, but I enjoyed hearing from her daughter. I also keep in touch (now and then) with her sister. It makes me remember Sylvia with a smile. I feel connected to her through them, but also FOR Sylvia. So...I guess I must admit I love receiving cards except for some that don't include a few words. I especially enjoy ones that include PICTURES!

Enjoying our tree...and TV movies. It's a festive time of year that makes January kind of PLAIN. Maybe that's good since there's plenty I can get done when things slow down a little more. I'm not THAT busy, but I still can't seem to keep up with things. I guess that means I should be thinking of a resolution for the new year!

Merry Christmas to ALL and to ALL a good night! Alane cares!

Merry CHRISTmas...to ALL!!!

GOD'S SON came for ALL...May you find HIM this HOLY season! You cannot help but LOVE EVERYONE when you KNOW that GOD SENT HIS SON...FOR ALL! Yes, there are some people that seem unlovable, but there is GRACE for ALL who BELIEVE!

BELIEVE and receive this LOVE!

It was a bit rocky for me a few weeks ago and then again on the day after Thanksgiving. It's like that with mental illness and especially for those like me. Bipolar is not fun, but I'm learning that MUCH GOOD lies ahead. I am fortunate to have found a great counselor and a great psychiatrist who are both helping me to heal! I'm learning that GOD never gives up on me. That night my husband listened and showed his inexhaustive support. THEN he talked to our daughters and came back to share that they "understood". THEN each daughter came to me to show their support. The next day was my mother's 86th birthday party and I didn't think I'd be able to attend or even make it to church that Sunday. (My church has always been a SAFE HARBOR.) I attended the party and went to church the next day. I continued throughout that week with God's GRACE making me ABLE to "accept myself".

THEN...We attended the celebration of a CD RELEASE at GRACE CHURCH! This CD is called WHO CAN STAND. ONE of the "take aways" was that NONE OF US CAN STAND...EXCEPT for the GRACE of GOD and BECAUSE of JESUS "taking it all" for ALL of us! THIS Friday was MUCH different than the one before just one week earlier! I realized how LOW I was and how HIGH HE had lifted me once again! I was renewed! I was forgiven and I got over "myself" and my "mistakes". AMEN!

Is there any other CHRISTMAS GIFT needed? NOT for me! I will ALWAYS enjoy this celebration of LOVE because JESUS is GOD'S GIFT...one that keeps on giving because we are forgiven for sins past, present and future...NOTHING COMPARES! I am LOVED!

My wish for YOU...ALL of you...is that you FIND JESUS and then SHARE HIS LOVE with all you meet this season. GOD is LOVE and he shows HIS LOVE because of a TINY BABY! This SON (HIS ONLY!) came to save us ALL! Now go ahead and RECEIVE!!!

SPECIAL THANKS to Brian and Rachel Lusky (and all the "team")for SHARING their talents in the GIFT of this CD. Brian is our Pastor of Worship at GRACE CHURCH and I wish everyone could experience this GENIUS of MUSIC. He's not just sharing notes and words, but GIVING GOD'S MESSAGE! He does this very well and I appreciate him AND his "team"! Going down Grubb Road to GRACE CHURCH is ALWAYS a SPIRITUAL JOURNEY for me and for my husband. I invite anyone who is able to come and join us there ANY time! You will be taking a STEP in the RIGHT direction!

ALL OF THIS IS BECAUSE OF JESUS AND BECAUSE OF GOD'S FORGIVENESS!

Alane SAYS...Merry CHRISTMAS TO ALL

We ALL matter!

Just finished a bunch of stuff including the December budget. It's been hard to get things accomplished with a BIPOLAR brain. Also, harder because of the bad days I've had lately...only TWO, but to me that's HARD. I am getting better, so I like ALL my days to be good. I am reminded that God sees me as GOOD...ALWAYS! That sure helps!

Going to meet friends for dinner and then do a little shopping...Hope to get home a bit early so we can do some relaxing before time to sleep. That's always good!

Hope you (anyone reading this OR anyone ignoring this!!!) are finding time to realize the REALITY of this SEASON and all it has to offer! We kind of get side-tracked with the gifts and gatherings and forget the true meaning...JESUS. May HE be the BLESSING of YOUR SEASON! GOD LOVED US AND SENT US "JESUS" BECAUSE HE LOVES US!

AMEN from Alane Says!

Much Better!

Had a bit of a breakdown Friday night, but felt much better Saturday. It was a tough night, but I have to realize that these will happen to even mentally healthy people. I got my dosage increased again...and will see my "shrink" next Friday and my counselor the following week on Monday (or Tuesday). Becky is my lifesaver and my "John" also helps a lot. Last time I was in to see him, I had accidentally taken my meds TWICE...along with Arthritis strength tylenol AND my BP meds. Oh boy! I don't really think I'm make a good "druggie". Glad I never "went there", but I make up for it with FOOD! It seems ALL celebrations include PLENTY of that and my Mom's 86th birthday celebration was yesterday. We had a wonderful time with most of the grandlets and great-grandlets attending. Sponge Bob took MANY hits before he unleashed his treats. We had yummy cake and then leftover cake at home afterwards! Rented SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE. I really wish ALL THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD (WHOM JESUS LOVES) would have more to live for...

Happy Sunday to all and Merry CHRISTmas to all! Hope to get our tree up SOON and it's NOT a HOLIDAY tree. Keep CHRIST in CHRISTmas and most of all in your hearts!

Alanes Says GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

Not feeling well...

Wondering again...Why I'm blogging. Doesn't seem to be "working" for me. May just take a long break and see if anyone notices. Guess I'm just getting tired of the internet most of the time disappointed by it. Much other stuff I'd rather be doing. So...I'll be OFF again for a while. Okaybye!

Good morning all...

It's not so early by many standards, but early for me. I have muffins in the oven and coffee is ON. (Decaf works, it really does!)

I am happy to ADD that my daughter and I "talked" on the phone last week briefly, but that was GREAT! She was on her way to the hospital or HORSE-PISTOL as one friend's grandlet used to say. She is home now and healing from an infection she intoduced into her body following a fall on the way out the door. It was only a small cut, but big enough to cause a major threat. She had to go to the ER three times before they decided to admit her for 24 hr. IV's...HEALING makes us happy, but...we are also healing our relationship.

Yesterday we "shared" on the phone again and it wasn't a brief encounter. We were able to hear each other's voices. This is GOOD for me and hopefully she shares this feeling. ANYWAY...I want people to know that working on relationships DOES pay off! No...we still aren't going to see each other for a while...not even for the holidays. THIS is where we are both in agreement. We are allowing ourselves this time apart to "connect" our hearts before our "face to face" JOY. We're doing our homework...which doesn't consist of a LOT of re-hashing, but rather learning more about WHO we are to each other and to ourselves.

Relationships are TOUGH, but we WANT and NEED them. Family relationships seem to be the TOUGHEST. We are bombarded by so much, but we can FIND ways to reconnect as we battle the TOUGH issues of life. I hope many of you who read this will FIND that even in the midst of mental illness challenges, we can find PEACE. I am finding that I am patient for what I thought I'd not EVER receive. I find that there is much to share with even "strangers" who are "working on themselves and on mental illness issues. Let's face it...We all struggle to get along and sometimes we give up.

My prayer this holiday season is that many of us FIND the PEACE that passes "understanding" each other and REACH OUT to each other with the LOVE and MERCY of CHRIST JESUS! AMEN to all and it's not just what AlaneSays, it's what the Bible tells me! May you all continue to discover that PEACE can be found "in HIM"!

Happy FIRST holiday of the season. I'll be back and I mean BACK before the new year dawns!...This is my QUEST...to care without INJURY to myself or to others! Sometimes when we HURT, we HURT OTHERS! Let's all pray for HEALING of SPIRIT for this entire season and into the new year ahead. None of us knows WHEN we'll lose the chance to "connect" and it's not just OLD people who die and leave us.

Check out You-Tube for the Hawaiian version of "Somewhere over the rainbow". My daughter referred me there yesterday and THIS song is my song for HER! I had not chosen one for her until recently, but I'm so HAPPY I chose this one for her. THEN she gave it back to me in the form of a beautiful man who is "over the rainbow" after GIVING us his wonderful music. Thank you Israel Kamakawiwo!...and Thank you Katie Jae! LOVE TO ALL OF YOU AND ESPECIALLY TO MY WONDERFUL FAMILY...ALL OF YOU!

GOD BLESS US ALL AS WE THANK HIM FOR THANKSGIVING!

Hello out there...

I'm back...

It's been a GOOD week of making MORE progress on the housework. I've got more ahead. A woman's work is never done, but I've got a great start. So much to organize in view of our move. We've given some things away and that feels good. My next room is the den/office which really looks like a BOMB went off! I won't even open the closet until I get the ROOM done. I will THEN make more messes, but I can always run the sweeper AGAIN! I have "stuff" to HAUL! One good thing is that I'm rediscovering things that I CAN use as well as quickly sorting things OUT of the house. Some stuff gets set aside for a future sort, but I AM moving things and organizing, too. It feels so good! I always LIKED to be organized, but that hasn't been the case for SO LONG! It's all PILED UP, but I'm now HANDLING it!

I have heard from many "readers" that encourage me to keep blogging. I guess I will for now. I don't think I'll change sights for a while. I really would like to know if something I type here is of interest to anyone...so please email jimandnancyf@yahoo.com...or comment, whichever is easier.

I am anxious to get my Saturday bath! It's actually gonna be a shower tonight and then I get to SIT and do whatever. I will LIKELY end up doing Sudoku and see what I can find on the "tube"...NOT YOU TUBE, just the good old TV! Hope you are all enjoying another wonderful weekend. The weather right now is SO nice and we must enjoy it while it lasts! Until next time...Alane Says OKAYBYE!

Just want to say...

I'm LENGTHY, but I think worthwhile, so be patient as I learn to be more concise. I have a lot on my mind, but will try to limit my time here...both the length of my posts AND the frequency.

Saw my nephew's goat farm yesterday. The goats come this week! He has a back injury from an accident and this will be his "job", so I'm praying it works for him. He has his Dad's support and they will raise the goats for meat! Lots of demand coming for that, I guess. His Dad was raised on a dairy farm, so he's enjoying his part in the "business". They even called in my husband to give his "two cents" on how to finish the barn for feeding and STUFF. I went along to just SEE and enjoyed my visit with my niece-in-law. My husband's brother married my sister before we "wed" 40 yrs. ago. It's kind of fun having "double cousins" for kidlets!

We're gathering on the 28th of this month to celebrate my mother's 86th birthday and that should be fun. We're just keeping it simple with some of her favorites...pizza, cake and a pinata! Hope to make it a good time for ALL included!

That's about it for now. My hubby is going to help me with MORE cleaning...just one room and then we both have lots of paperwork staring us in the face!

Hope you all have a HAPPY NOVEMBER and I'll try to post about once a week!

Thanks for "listening" to what Alane Says! Love and God's Blessings to ALL...even if I don't know you! God's wants us all to get along and "LOVE ONE ANOTHER"! Let this be our BIGGEST project EVERY day! AMEN!

The King and I...

YES, YES, YES...JESUS IS MY KING!

However...God has given me a man who makes me feel like his QUEEN here on earth. This is my dear husband Ken-Jim (Kenneth James Fisher).

I've been dealing with bi-polar for MANY years, but this summer finally began mood stabilizers. (If you've read my second post of September you may understand this more?) In June I became aware of my mistaken medication problem and WANTED to leave my husband...SO THAT HE WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANY MORE OF MY ILLNESS! He is HERE and he's STAYING! AMEN! God has "provided" for me.

At the moment I'm listening to the Sound Track of the movie "The King and I"...the one with Yul Brenner. Jim (aka...Ken or James or Dad or...whatever!) bought me the LP (Instead of CD's we had what's called long playing records or LP's.)during our "courtship" much of this music burrowed itself into my heart. I'm just now realizing that the thoughts I had of LOVE way back in the 60's were going to grow SO MUCH MORE in the years to come.

I am blessed and I'm doing much better with my new meds. I am SO GLAD I didn't LEAVE in June...and that I've got the rest of my life to spend with this TRUELY WONDERFUL MAN.

Ken wasn't a Christian when we met and for many years into our marriage. He became a TRUE Christian and has grown SO MUCH more in the past several years. He was ALWAYS a GREAT MAN and always much more patient and caring than me! I learned FROM him what it means to "walk the walk" as I "reprised" the lessons learned from many years of Sunday school lessons. He's taught me so much more about the Bible and HOW to apply it's content. These lessons were taught and learned earlier, but now I know much more about the APPLICATION of those lessons through Ken's "walk". (Growing older DOES have it's "perks"! We see things from a new perspective.)

Anyway...the music in this CD is so SPECIAL to me. The long ago LP has been missed and now I have it to enjoy again...EVEN MORE with 40 years of marriage behind us and however many we have "left" ahead. Even when "one of us is gone and one is left to carry one" I KNOW that this love will continue to PROVIDE for whoever is "leftover". We have a "sort of contest" going. Whoever is "leftover" is the loser, but they are not to be sad for the winner...BECAUSE the winner will await the loser in Heaven!

I wish the BEST to all of you MARRIED or about to be...Take a listen sometime to this wonderful musical about true love, which also reminds ME that God gives SO MUCH to us by HIS LOVE. THANK YOU GOD FOR KENNETH JAMES FISHER!

(Sometimes music doesn't have to be Christian to "speak to us" and I've OFTEN made LOVE songs "Christian" as I simply substitute GOD as the LOVER and the LOVED ONE! After all, God is the source of ALL love, so GOD BLESS YOU ALL!)

ALANE SAYS...and THANKS James for ALL you do and most of all for ALL you are to me!

Another week gone...since last Weds.

Hello again...

I'm a little bit farther in my "work" at home, but my Mom is now moved into a new apartment in assisted living. Her former "roomie" was just not working out. We had LOTS to "pare down" especially her closet since her new closet is much smaller. We started ahead of the move and then afterwards exchanged dressers for FIT in the new room (There is more "tall room" than width, so she now has more room to get to her closet.)

On top of just needing to clean and do the regular stuff that's been WAITING through my mental illness this past summer, We're preparing to move to NC next July. I've been a KEEPER all my life! I've moved some things to the Salvation Army and we are giving away some things. Selling is just not worth what people WANT to spend and the Sal appreciates STUFF. This also works a lot FASTER than trying to SELL!

AND...I'm sorting through TONS of pictures from my mother's albums. One of my sisters spent two "sessions" with me while her husband helped mine finish the seams in our garage. (Another sister helped start this project when she visited PA in August from Florida.).We've been in this house for over 11 yrs. and it's TIME to get ready to "put it on the market" in the spring. (I'm going to scan the pictures that I want to return to my Mom and to my aunt who took many of them years ago. Also planning to make CD's to share with my sisters and brother.) My aunt immigrated (She was almost 19 yrs. old.)from Panama in the spring before my birth in July of 1949. She happened to go on a day trip to Pittsburgh with a friend (Charlotte, who lives just down the street from my mother-in-law now!)the day I was born and wasn't available to help with my two older sisters. She's been and will ALWAYS be my favorite Aunt. I've learned a lot about my family in this process. SO...I continue to sort before I'm able to scan and share with my family and so we'll all have pictures of our past!

Meanwhile I'm trying to get a GRIP on my bi-polar. I'm up to 200 mg of Lamictal (the generic is Lomotrigine) and HOPEFULLY won't have to go up much higher. (I had a bit of a "melt-down" on Monday, but those days are fewer now.) It feels SO GOOD to do even ONE thing each day and NOW I'm able to do more. However I AM challenged with all I've got ahead of me. I've let things go for a LONG time. Even before my new meds, I wasn't very good at accomplishing much at all. I'm now noticing that I can pull-off more and I'm not so apt to just LAY THINGS DOWN, but rather take care of stuff AS I GO! I used to be SO bent on organization and now I'd like to return to a BIT of that. I was TOO "bent" in the past when my kidlets were growing up. However, I am PROUD of my ability to function for 34 years on JUST anti-depressants when I NEEDED mood-stabilizers to work on BOTH parts of the BI polar! I DO feel I was a good mother, but I DO have plenty behind me...that usually I'm able to let stay in the past. I am hoping to POINT people to the RIGHT help and to create some understanding for anyone with a friend or relative who suffers from ANY type of mental disability.

Well...gonna go attack the bank statement and then my husband and I are volunteering for the second time at the 2nd Harvest Foodbank in Erie, PA...a JOB we've wanted to do in his retirement. He's only partially retired, but we wanted to get started on this now. We will be full timers next summer in North Carolina, so we're creating our resumes! HA HA! The TV tells us lately to GIVE some volunteer time, but I've always wanted to do that. In the past I did some work at our hospital as an escort, taking patients to their hospital rooms upon admission. I was preganant with our second daughter at the time and I worked on Sunday afternoons. It was GOOD to give, since not many volunteers are available on the weekends. My husband enjoyed the peaceful Sundays at home with our then 2 yr. old daughter. So...Do something nice for someone today...even if just for a few minutes. Our gift of time is only 1 and 1/2 hrs. a week, but like the starfish story "IT MATTERS!". (Starfish wash up onto beaches and if tossed back into the water have a chance to survive. When watching someone do this...they were asked WHY...since there were SO MANY starfish to "toss" The TOSSER said, "It mattered to that one!" I try to remember this when I do what I consider JUST a little to help!)

Thank you once again for reading Alane Says...I appreciate that!

Relationship Improving...

Just a quick one...to let you know that my relationship with my daughter IS improving. It's going to take TIME, but we are both comfortable with taking time!

I want people to know that it does take time and effort to repair broken STUFF...and people are the most difficult to repair. SO...Have patience, take the time and PRAY. NOT IN THAT ORDER, but DO all three. YOU WON'T regret it.

One more thing...IF someone is angry it usually means they CARE and they WANT to work things out. Just keep in mind that the doors have to open on both sides in order to "connect"...and sometimes the WAY we do this is to not try to tackle of a lot of negative things and just BE. We all have a desire for that, I think!

Alane Says...Have a great day and along with trying to get something DONE, take time to ponder HOW you can be a BLESSING to someone...TODAY! That's more important than anything else! Love to ALL...God's GRACE is sufficient to COVER us ALL!!!

Happy Anniversary...

Today would have been 65 years for my parents! My father has been "gone" for over 24 years, so they didn't get to celebrate their 50th, either. HOWEVER, today I'd like to HONOR THEM here!...I do believe it was a GOOD marriage. My Mom has a GREAT story to tell...and I'm always encouraging her to write it down. I am THRILLED to have known some of the details, but sometimes they aren't perfectly "remembered" by me.

My father was in the Panama Canal Zone with the U.S. Navy and met my mother there. She wouldn't date him until after he'd come into the card shop where she worked for nine months (maybe 8?). I LOVE seeing pictures and imagining them YOUNG and IN LOVE.

My mother immigrated with my father in 1945...about a year after they were married. They were expecting their first child who was born in December, shortly after their arrival to the "states. It was a boat to San Francisco and then a train to cross country and she was "with child".

I never met my grandparents in Panama and she never saw them again. She did return to Panama years later for a visit with her youngest brother and sister and a niece to visit her oldest brother still living there. Just wish I could have gone along, but $ and leaving my kidlets home were just not DO-ABLE. I wouldn't go without my spouse...THE BEST HUSBAND ANYONE COULD HOPE FOR!

My father "sponsored" three of my mother's sisters and one brother to come to live her in the USA with us. I was 5 yrs. OLD and had a "sort of brother" in this UNCLE...The older brother I always wanted and still love DEARLY today. My father did this without the need for my mother to "work" outside the home. She worked PLENTY inside! She canned, froze, sewed, cooked, cleaned, etc. for her own FIVE children AND for her siblings. She always provided and Christmas was always very special...even the year my brother was born when I was 7 yrs. OLD. She had warned us that Santa might not be able to "leave" as much that year! He(SHE) still came through. She made the nicest clothes and sweaters for us and she always had a PILE of toys and clothes for each of us under the tree! LUCKY US!

My father never skipped work. He provided well for us, though we didn't have a lot of money. He was a smiling and loving man who was also violent. I didn't have the BEST relationship with this man, but learned to accept and love him before he died. He told me he loved me and I was so shocked. I told him I loved him and that made me even more shocked...because I MEANT IT! The only other time I remember him expressing love to me was the day of my wedding when I came "tearfully" out to walk down the aisle. He said, "What the Hell's the matter with you!"...and I DID feel that was his expression of love!

You see, some families may not be SAYING love, but that doesn't mean they aren't FEELING it. SO...if you don't HEAR it...don't be so sure it's not there! I am now QUITE verbal about loving my adult children and wish I could have been more expressive when they were young.

My mother showed us love in her sewing, baking, cooking, shopping, ETC...I could go on. She wasn't real outspoken about anything. We knew she loved us though...she SHOWED it. We knew being good and doing well in school were important, but we never got much help from our parents. IT WAS OUR JOB TO GET GOOD GRADES AND TO STAY OUT OF TROUBLE. We didn't ALWAYS do both, by the way. We knew what was right and what was wrong because we were taught!

We always went to church and learned more of this...and I was lucky enough to be in Girl Scouts for many years, where the message of right and wrong was also taught. This helped me to grow and learn, too. My Sunday school teachers and my Youth Fellowship leaders ALSO taught these things to me. MOST OF ALL, I learned that WHEN I "messed up" there's a GOD who forgives and who will never give up on me.

I continue to learn and grow...about GOD and about what my parents TAUGHT me. I recall things at my ripe old age of 60 yrs. (...not necessarily as well as I'd like. Some things from "farther back" come more easily.) I have parented and I've been parented...I've OVER-parented and I'm learning to GRAND PARENT without OVERDOING that, as well. It all takes time and lessons of life don't come easy. We never STOP learning and I SO APPRECIATE the things my KIDLETS are teaching me as they learn more about life from their perspective. We cannot be on the same LEVEL as PEERS, but we sure CAN learn a LOT from each other.

SO HAPPY ANNIVERSARY #65 to my "parental units" and I PRAY that my children and grandchildren can continue to learn from me and from my mistakes.

What do you think of this blog? Email me by clicking on the envelope below or comment if you like. I'D LOVE IT! And that's it for AlaneSays today!

Discouragement...

I am already feeling ready for a re-start of this day! I'm overwhelmed with all I have in front of me...a move AND the things I've been unable to face for a long time. I've not "faced" my housework or the organization I USED to LOVE! I want to be back in that "settled" place...of feeling that things are somewhat "together".

I must remind myself that it's not going to happen overnight. I must do one thing and then move on to another. I must be happy with the progress of EACH thing I accomplish without expecting to do it all today...or even next week...or the next!

Hopefully I can begin to make some progress now that I've gotten this much off my chest! It's good to have someone to listen to me! Thanks!

ANOTHER SONG!

God speaks to me through music...Just thought of my Katie song...at church tonight for a video on Marriage. You're never too OLD to work on this and I've been fortunate to be WED for 40 yrs. to the same wonderous HUBBY! Thanks Ken/James!

The song...was IN the video...when speaking of how women think. We like everything to be perfect and sweet. You know...the girlie kind of "everything is sweet and wonderful"...like our expectations (with husbands in this case, but "transferrable" to other relationships) It's SOMEWHERE OVER THE RAINBOW and I liked it for several reasons...
1) Mothers seem to expect perfection with their kidlets...when trying to teach
stuff. We really don't mean to do that and it's sometimes hard to see that we
love our "offspring" with a really SPECIAL kind of love.
2) "The dreams that you dare to dream really DO come true." No one ever knows
what the future holds, but GOD has a "plan" for everything...Jeremiah 29:11.
We can DREAM...and LOVE gets us through anything!
3) "Over the Rainbow"...We can "go there" if we beleive in Jesus and I am so
HAPPY we share this belief with my family, which includes Katie!

SO THIS ONE IS YOURS, Kaffrom! Good night to all!

DENTS!

In my quest to find a good song for my Katie...I've found another good one for MYSELF! It deals with MY imperfection and maybe some of you "out there" can also relate. The song says "I've got a couple dents in my fender" (not sure of the actual title...Not sure how to spell it, but Cobbie Caleigh? may be close. Heard this on the car radio just a few minutes ago and came inside to hear and SEE her on REGIS AND KELLY! Missed most of that show, but caught this much. LOVE that show and wanted a TASTE of it. We ALL could use some FREEDOM to be ourselves...and we can get that by getting "in-tune" with our Lord and Saviour. My favorite place to do this is GRACE CHURCH in McKean, PA. Anyone can come and learn about TRUE FREEDOM!

I'm a bit upset not to hear from anyone on my "comments" and wondering if some of you would go back to my SECOND post. It's the reason I began this blog. I am wondering if anyone really reads this besides the people I've directed here...I'm not sure how this blog thing works. I want to REACH OUT to others suffering from ANY mental disorders...to GIVE HOPE AND PEACE...things I've discovered since July of this year when I began to get the RIGHT meds after 34 years with my bipolar diagnosis! Sometimes we need physical help with stuff, too...

So...if you can't comment...EMAIL me at jimandnancyf@yahoo.com...I welcome the chance to help anyone COPE and HANG ON! I'm doing much better at last, but still haven't "arrived" I'm nearing the RIGHT dose, but I think I have to have MORE patience to get to the finish line. NORMALCY is something we ALL need and even people LIKE ME...can find that! THANKS FOR LISTENING! DO respond if you are able.
ALANE SAYS

Another new week!

Time to begin another new week. I always enjoy my Sundays at Grace Church and feel WELL FED there! I wish everyone had a church to call HOME! Sure do appreciate mine!

Not getting much done at the house as we prepare for our move, but I am getting myself in a much better place with my illness. I am happy to be in touch with my daughter and hope that we continue to learn and grow as we "share" our hearts through email. This should help my mood swings! Being in touch means a lot. Anyone YOU should be in touch with...whoever you are "out there"?

We are fast approaching winter as the days and nights seem pretty cold already. Have to develop our "winter skins", I guess. When I talk to my daughter in Florida I keep thinking she's CHILLED, but it's DIFFERENT there..."Hello to me!" I should know this!

Time to wind down for the night. HAPPY NEW WEEK TO ALL! Alane says!

Amen...

Well, she saw my blog and we've exchanged a few emails. We will continue to work out the bumps of life that have been thrown our way...and eventually we hope to begin a new relationship. A mother is always pleased to be "in touch" with her "offspring" and I feel that my prayers (and of many others THANK YOU ALL!!!) are being answered.

There is a lot to SAY to each other and to HEAR from each other...but we are going to email till we get there...I am confident that we CAN get there.

My new FAMILY song is OH HOW HE LOVES US...one we've heard much this summer and one that has pulled my husband an myself through this tough time. We all need to be connected with the family God has given to us...It's quite a HUMAN thing. I know that as a mother I NEED that.

MOST of all we need our connection to God...through Jesus. HOPE YOU ALL find YOUR CONNECTION!!!

Thank you for caring enough to read my blog. Some of you may not have read from the BEGINNING, so if you want to further understand the reasons for MY blog...GO THERE. It's not just about relationshiips...but about mental illness and the help many people are not able to receive.

TODAY I celebrate that I have a chance to learn more about my daughter and to share more of myself with her. We'll both benefit and hopefully one day we will be ready to reunite. We are going to take our time before that happens and I think this WILL happen in time...without a lot of painful sharing, but with open minds INSTEAD.

Hope you all...whoever you ARE "out there" can find some PEACE in your lives, as well. Jeremiah 29:11...a special verse for our family...says "I know the plans I have for you...for a future and a hope." THIS verse has kept us going all summer!

GOD'S BLESSINGS TO YOU ALL! That's all AlaneSays for this post!

Working on my BLUES!

Just sent my blog "info" to Katie...ONE of the people I'm trying to reach...

She likely will not read it, but I feel it's worth a try.

Don't thing there's a big chance for reconciliation, but with God all things are possible...something her sister tries to assure me.

I think that it's a shame that I do this without TRYING to bring her to this blog. I've been concerned for HER...that this WILL upset her, but on the chance that she'll read and be open to it...I sent an email to invite her to read. She may never open the email. I've not been "allowed" to communicate...since she's told us that she won't OPEN anything we send.

We missed our grandson's birthday since she doesn't want us in her life...THAT was last week. I doubt that even with the blog to read and explain that she'll understand, but I figure it MIGHT help. I am told NOT to share this with her...but I feel I am able to override that...I'm in charge of myself and WANTED to do this.

So...HOPEFULLY someone else will let me know that what they've read has helped them. If commenting doesn't work...you can always send emails to jimandnancyf@yahoo.com.

WOULD LOVE TO HAVE FEEDBACK...from anyone!!!

ALANE SAYS OKAYBYE! (That IS one word in our family!)

Monday blues...ANYONE?

Good night...

We just returned from an evening of cards with friends. It was a fun time and we haven't done anything like this for a long time. I guess that it's fun to do something different. We taught a card game and learned one, too. It was a great time of sharing. I'm surprised because I'm usually challenged at card games, but both of these games were pretty easy. We hope learn and teach until we are done here on planet earth and are greatful for friends to share the fun. Next time we'll finish one of the games...the one we just learned. Can't wait to see how that one ends and we'll enjoy the ride, as well. It's kind of LIKE the "game" of LIFE! We never quite know what to expect, but things are interesting when we get to try something new.

These friends are becoming really important to us, but even though we'll be moving next summer, we have the joy of knowing they will be with us in Heaven! God is good!

This may not seem BIG to all of you out there, but I feel BLESSED to have experienced some PLAIN and SIMPLE fun!...AND I do feel that my meds are finally bringing me back to MYSELF! THANK YOU GOD!

Alane says "Good night to you all!"

Music and Friends and Relatives

Good morning ALL...

Hope to make this a shorter post.

Music...When you are unable to get into your Bible (for whatever reason and mine is sometimes because I'm unable to concentrate or because of my "mental state")...I listen to music. MOSTLY I like Christian music because it's BIBLICAL. It helps me focus on the LOVE of GOD and reminds me HE is all I need. Jesus loves me THIS, I know! Heard of this song?

Friends and Relatives...We all need friends and when we're lucky our relatives can be our friend, too. (I often say that to my cousin.) If you suffer from mental illness (mine is bipolar)you particularly need friends. However with any type of mental illness you seem to REPEL instead of ATTRACT friends. Lately I've been finding that people understand me more than in the past 34 years (that's how long Iv'e been diagnosed)...because they are beginning to understand MY mental illness. All these years I've just thought they didn't understand ME. (One thing that has been a problem is my verbosity...but my NEW meds are helping me with that. I always thought it was just ME who was out of control, but my brain was on overdrive...a manifestation of my disorder.) Years ago it wasn't AT ALL good to share these things.

I'm discovering MYSELF in the midst of this turmoil and I'm finding I like myself more with even a new personality emerging. I'm 60 years old...OH WHAT A BETTER MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN WITH FEWER FAULTS...and I also think that AGE helps with perspective and issues that used to be a repellant, as well.

If you read my post "I'm back already"...you might understand my journey with bipolar and maybe even some of your friends or relatives...Understanding BREEDS acceptance and love. Do you need more of this in your life? I can take ALL I can get!

THANKS FOR READING AlaneSays!...and have a great "rest of the day".

A Dream is a WISH!

Another DREAM...for a boy named Cameron...

This is HIS song from Nana...(and Thank you Disney)

A Dream is a wish your heart makes,
When you're fast asleep.
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing. The dream that you wish will come true.

Miss you Little Guy! Nana

I'm back already...to post more in the same day! I DO have some STUFF to say...

Well...I just finished what I thought was a GOOD summary of what I want to say here...but LOST it! So I will try again...

I am very sad about a certain person no longer wanting to be a part of my life. She decided she doesn't want anything to do with me or with my husband. I am extra sad because there are some things she should be interested in knowing.

I was diagnosed 34 yrs. ago as manic-depressive which is now called bipolar. However I wasn't receiving the right medications. I THOUGHT I was and even told this person that she needed to be on the right amount of the right stuff...and she told me "I'm fine"...and promptly dismissed any need.

I also went along with two people JOKING about my meds being the problem I was having in June...with myself. I didn't really think I needed a change of meds or more of them.

My meds were anti-depressants...Do you know anyone who takes those? Maybe this will interest you more if you do.

Anti-depressants ONLY treat one part of BI-POLAR...the depressive part, of course. The manic part is untouched by the medications for depression. I had asked my pastor for a Christian counselor and he referred me to a woman who has taught me MUCH about this disorder and about myself, as well. She asked about my meds and I told her the ONE I was taking. She was ASTOUNDED because she said that for bipolar they usually prescribe a "cocktail" of medications. We then realized that my mistake had been in NOT seeing a psychiatrist. My mistake was made when my former psychologist left town to become an administrator at a hospital in another state. I asked if my family doctor could prescribe for me instead of continuing with the psychiatrist who worked with my psychologist. One is the TALK TO person and the other is the MEDICATION person (who you also "talk to"). I was told that would be fine.

My family doctor would change my medication every year or two (at my request...when I was not feeling well). I THOUGHT it was just that my body was too used to the meds and I needed to change every now and then because maybe my body had built up a tolerance for the meds. So...My family doctor must have forgotten the original diagnosis (I did, as well.) and since I seemed "alright" he continued to change the meds whenever I asked. MISTAKE!

Now back to the person I mentioned above (the person I will refer to as "her" or "she"). This person made it clear that she no longer wants a relationship with myself or with my husband. She doesn't want him in her life because he's married to me and she doesn't want to "interfere" in that relationship. We've been married for 40 years and he assures me he's not going anywhere. He also told her this at the time and did so CLEARLY and WITHOUT raising his voice. He IS a man of control.

This hurts for many reasons...one is the following...

Bipolar is hereditary and I don't want her to go through 34 years of anti-depressants and blaming herself for her problems (or blaming me either). It's the CHEMICALS in the brain that are to blame.

So I guess this pretty well sums up what I'm trying to say. I am surely interested in feed-back on this. If I can help ANYone to avoid my mistakes, I will try.

Thank you for "listening"! I hope I make someones life a little easier, if not the one persons I really wish I could help.

I will be back with more WORDS and sometimes I can be quite entertaining. I have lots of people in my life who see me in a better light. MOST of all I have a FOREVER FRIEND. JESUS LOVES ME...THIS I KNOW...and I'm told I can lay anything down at his feet. HE will take my burdens and HE will always care.

I also have a dream that is summed up in an older song...SOMEWHERE OUT THERE...A few of the words say "out where dreams come true" and this is a song I've given to a grandson. It says "even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star." CAN YOU HEAR ME...FAMILY?...

I will always care...It's what a mother does. So...Good night and keep on wishing, but most of all keep on PRAYING! I AM!

Alane says...

Welcome to my new blog...

Hope to see someone is interested in what I have to say.

I am the big 6 O this year and not that upset about it...really...No one expects as much form you when you age. You have a lot of people who can relate to you. You do mostly what you want...or not! Sometimes it's okay to just BE.

I enjoy reading the blog of a friend...so I thought I should do some inputting!

I hope people realize that we are FORGIVEABLE...someone in my life has blamed me for some things that aren't really hers to blame. It hurts, but I know that I still love this person...

Be careful who you blame for STUFF...it's just STUFF...

That's it for now...Hope this makes sense to someone...and that we can learn from each other how to DEAL with STUFF.

Thanks for listening...Free being me!...Alane