Good morning ALL...
Hope to make this a shorter post.
Music...When you are unable to get into your Bible (for whatever reason and mine is sometimes because I'm unable to concentrate or because of my "mental state")...I listen to music. MOSTLY I like Christian music because it's BIBLICAL. It helps me focus on the LOVE of GOD and reminds me HE is all I need. Jesus loves me THIS, I know! Heard of this song?
Friends and Relatives...We all need friends and when we're lucky our relatives can be our friend, too. (I often say that to my cousin.) If you suffer from mental illness (mine is bipolar)you particularly need friends. However with any type of mental illness you seem to REPEL instead of ATTRACT friends. Lately I've been finding that people understand me more than in the past 34 years (that's how long Iv'e been diagnosed)...because they are beginning to understand MY mental illness. All these years I've just thought they didn't understand ME. (One thing that has been a problem is my verbosity...but my NEW meds are helping me with that. I always thought it was just ME who was out of control, but my brain was on overdrive...a manifestation of my disorder.) Years ago it wasn't AT ALL good to share these things.
I'm discovering MYSELF in the midst of this turmoil and I'm finding I like myself more with even a new personality emerging. I'm 60 years old...OH WHAT A BETTER MOTHER I COULD HAVE BEEN WITH FEWER FAULTS...and I also think that AGE helps with perspective and issues that used to be a repellant, as well.
If you read my post "I'm back already"...you might understand my journey with bipolar and maybe even some of your friends or relatives...Understanding BREEDS acceptance and love. Do you need more of this in your life? I can take ALL I can get!
THANKS FOR READING AlaneSays!...and have a great "rest of the day".
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Monday, September 28, 2009
A Dream is a WISH!
Another DREAM...for a boy named Cameron...
This is HIS song from Nana...(and Thank you Disney)
A Dream is a wish your heart makes,
When you're fast asleep.
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing. The dream that you wish will come true.
Miss you Little Guy! Nana
This is HIS song from Nana...(and Thank you Disney)
A Dream is a wish your heart makes,
When you're fast asleep.
No matter how your heart is grieving,
If you keep on believing. The dream that you wish will come true.
Miss you Little Guy! Nana
Thursday, September 24, 2009
I'm back already...to post more in the same day! I DO have some STUFF to say...
Well...I just finished what I thought was a GOOD summary of what I want to say here...but LOST it! So I will try again...
I am very sad about a certain person no longer wanting to be a part of my life. She decided she doesn't want anything to do with me or with my husband. I am extra sad because there are some things she should be interested in knowing.
I was diagnosed 34 yrs. ago as manic-depressive which is now called bipolar. However I wasn't receiving the right medications. I THOUGHT I was and even told this person that she needed to be on the right amount of the right stuff...and she told me "I'm fine"...and promptly dismissed any need.
I also went along with two people JOKING about my meds being the problem I was having in June...with myself. I didn't really think I needed a change of meds or more of them.
My meds were anti-depressants...Do you know anyone who takes those? Maybe this will interest you more if you do.
Anti-depressants ONLY treat one part of BI-POLAR...the depressive part, of course. The manic part is untouched by the medications for depression. I had asked my pastor for a Christian counselor and he referred me to a woman who has taught me MUCH about this disorder and about myself, as well. She asked about my meds and I told her the ONE I was taking. She was ASTOUNDED because she said that for bipolar they usually prescribe a "cocktail" of medications. We then realized that my mistake had been in NOT seeing a psychiatrist. My mistake was made when my former psychologist left town to become an administrator at a hospital in another state. I asked if my family doctor could prescribe for me instead of continuing with the psychiatrist who worked with my psychologist. One is the TALK TO person and the other is the MEDICATION person (who you also "talk to"). I was told that would be fine.
My family doctor would change my medication every year or two (at my request...when I was not feeling well). I THOUGHT it was just that my body was too used to the meds and I needed to change every now and then because maybe my body had built up a tolerance for the meds. So...My family doctor must have forgotten the original diagnosis (I did, as well.) and since I seemed "alright" he continued to change the meds whenever I asked. MISTAKE!
Now back to the person I mentioned above (the person I will refer to as "her" or "she"). This person made it clear that she no longer wants a relationship with myself or with my husband. She doesn't want him in her life because he's married to me and she doesn't want to "interfere" in that relationship. We've been married for 40 years and he assures me he's not going anywhere. He also told her this at the time and did so CLEARLY and WITHOUT raising his voice. He IS a man of control.
This hurts for many reasons...one is the following...
Bipolar is hereditary and I don't want her to go through 34 years of anti-depressants and blaming herself for her problems (or blaming me either). It's the CHEMICALS in the brain that are to blame.
So I guess this pretty well sums up what I'm trying to say. I am surely interested in feed-back on this. If I can help ANYone to avoid my mistakes, I will try.
Thank you for "listening"! I hope I make someones life a little easier, if not the one persons I really wish I could help.
I will be back with more WORDS and sometimes I can be quite entertaining. I have lots of people in my life who see me in a better light. MOST of all I have a FOREVER FRIEND. JESUS LOVES ME...THIS I KNOW...and I'm told I can lay anything down at his feet. HE will take my burdens and HE will always care.
I also have a dream that is summed up in an older song...SOMEWHERE OUT THERE...A few of the words say "out where dreams come true" and this is a song I've given to a grandson. It says "even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star." CAN YOU HEAR ME...FAMILY?...
I will always care...It's what a mother does. So...Good night and keep on wishing, but most of all keep on PRAYING! I AM!
Alane says...
Well...I just finished what I thought was a GOOD summary of what I want to say here...but LOST it! So I will try again...
I am very sad about a certain person no longer wanting to be a part of my life. She decided she doesn't want anything to do with me or with my husband. I am extra sad because there are some things she should be interested in knowing.
I was diagnosed 34 yrs. ago as manic-depressive which is now called bipolar. However I wasn't receiving the right medications. I THOUGHT I was and even told this person that she needed to be on the right amount of the right stuff...and she told me "I'm fine"...and promptly dismissed any need.
I also went along with two people JOKING about my meds being the problem I was having in June...with myself. I didn't really think I needed a change of meds or more of them.
My meds were anti-depressants...Do you know anyone who takes those? Maybe this will interest you more if you do.
Anti-depressants ONLY treat one part of BI-POLAR...the depressive part, of course. The manic part is untouched by the medications for depression. I had asked my pastor for a Christian counselor and he referred me to a woman who has taught me MUCH about this disorder and about myself, as well. She asked about my meds and I told her the ONE I was taking. She was ASTOUNDED because she said that for bipolar they usually prescribe a "cocktail" of medications. We then realized that my mistake had been in NOT seeing a psychiatrist. My mistake was made when my former psychologist left town to become an administrator at a hospital in another state. I asked if my family doctor could prescribe for me instead of continuing with the psychiatrist who worked with my psychologist. One is the TALK TO person and the other is the MEDICATION person (who you also "talk to"). I was told that would be fine.
My family doctor would change my medication every year or two (at my request...when I was not feeling well). I THOUGHT it was just that my body was too used to the meds and I needed to change every now and then because maybe my body had built up a tolerance for the meds. So...My family doctor must have forgotten the original diagnosis (I did, as well.) and since I seemed "alright" he continued to change the meds whenever I asked. MISTAKE!
Now back to the person I mentioned above (the person I will refer to as "her" or "she"). This person made it clear that she no longer wants a relationship with myself or with my husband. She doesn't want him in her life because he's married to me and she doesn't want to "interfere" in that relationship. We've been married for 40 years and he assures me he's not going anywhere. He also told her this at the time and did so CLEARLY and WITHOUT raising his voice. He IS a man of control.
This hurts for many reasons...one is the following...
Bipolar is hereditary and I don't want her to go through 34 years of anti-depressants and blaming herself for her problems (or blaming me either). It's the CHEMICALS in the brain that are to blame.
So I guess this pretty well sums up what I'm trying to say. I am surely interested in feed-back on this. If I can help ANYone to avoid my mistakes, I will try.
Thank you for "listening"! I hope I make someones life a little easier, if not the one persons I really wish I could help.
I will be back with more WORDS and sometimes I can be quite entertaining. I have lots of people in my life who see me in a better light. MOST of all I have a FOREVER FRIEND. JESUS LOVES ME...THIS I KNOW...and I'm told I can lay anything down at his feet. HE will take my burdens and HE will always care.
I also have a dream that is summed up in an older song...SOMEWHERE OUT THERE...A few of the words say "out where dreams come true" and this is a song I've given to a grandson. It says "even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star." CAN YOU HEAR ME...FAMILY?...
I will always care...It's what a mother does. So...Good night and keep on wishing, but most of all keep on PRAYING! I AM!
Alane says...
Welcome to my new blog...
Hope to see someone is interested in what I have to say.
I am the big 6 O this year and not that upset about it...really...No one expects as much form you when you age. You have a lot of people who can relate to you. You do mostly what you want...or not! Sometimes it's okay to just BE.
I enjoy reading the blog of a friend...so I thought I should do some inputting!
I hope people realize that we are FORGIVEABLE...someone in my life has blamed me for some things that aren't really hers to blame. It hurts, but I know that I still love this person...
Be careful who you blame for STUFF...it's just STUFF...
That's it for now...Hope this makes sense to someone...and that we can learn from each other how to DEAL with STUFF.
Thanks for listening...Free being me!...Alane
Hope to see someone is interested in what I have to say.
I am the big 6 O this year and not that upset about it...really...No one expects as much form you when you age. You have a lot of people who can relate to you. You do mostly what you want...or not! Sometimes it's okay to just BE.
I enjoy reading the blog of a friend...so I thought I should do some inputting!
I hope people realize that we are FORGIVEABLE...someone in my life has blamed me for some things that aren't really hers to blame. It hurts, but I know that I still love this person...
Be careful who you blame for STUFF...it's just STUFF...
That's it for now...Hope this makes sense to someone...and that we can learn from each other how to DEAL with STUFF.
Thanks for listening...Free being me!...Alane
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