I'm back already...to post more in the same day! I DO have some STUFF to say...

Well...I just finished what I thought was a GOOD summary of what I want to say here...but LOST it! So I will try again...

I am very sad about a certain person no longer wanting to be a part of my life. She decided she doesn't want anything to do with me or with my husband. I am extra sad because there are some things she should be interested in knowing.

I was diagnosed 34 yrs. ago as manic-depressive which is now called bipolar. However I wasn't receiving the right medications. I THOUGHT I was and even told this person that she needed to be on the right amount of the right stuff...and she told me "I'm fine"...and promptly dismissed any need.

I also went along with two people JOKING about my meds being the problem I was having in June...with myself. I didn't really think I needed a change of meds or more of them.

My meds were anti-depressants...Do you know anyone who takes those? Maybe this will interest you more if you do.

Anti-depressants ONLY treat one part of BI-POLAR...the depressive part, of course. The manic part is untouched by the medications for depression. I had asked my pastor for a Christian counselor and he referred me to a woman who has taught me MUCH about this disorder and about myself, as well. She asked about my meds and I told her the ONE I was taking. She was ASTOUNDED because she said that for bipolar they usually prescribe a "cocktail" of medications. We then realized that my mistake had been in NOT seeing a psychiatrist. My mistake was made when my former psychologist left town to become an administrator at a hospital in another state. I asked if my family doctor could prescribe for me instead of continuing with the psychiatrist who worked with my psychologist. One is the TALK TO person and the other is the MEDICATION person (who you also "talk to"). I was told that would be fine.

My family doctor would change my medication every year or two (at my request...when I was not feeling well). I THOUGHT it was just that my body was too used to the meds and I needed to change every now and then because maybe my body had built up a tolerance for the meds. So...My family doctor must have forgotten the original diagnosis (I did, as well.) and since I seemed "alright" he continued to change the meds whenever I asked. MISTAKE!

Now back to the person I mentioned above (the person I will refer to as "her" or "she"). This person made it clear that she no longer wants a relationship with myself or with my husband. She doesn't want him in her life because he's married to me and she doesn't want to "interfere" in that relationship. We've been married for 40 years and he assures me he's not going anywhere. He also told her this at the time and did so CLEARLY and WITHOUT raising his voice. He IS a man of control.

This hurts for many reasons...one is the following...

Bipolar is hereditary and I don't want her to go through 34 years of anti-depressants and blaming herself for her problems (or blaming me either). It's the CHEMICALS in the brain that are to blame.

So I guess this pretty well sums up what I'm trying to say. I am surely interested in feed-back on this. If I can help ANYone to avoid my mistakes, I will try.

Thank you for "listening"! I hope I make someones life a little easier, if not the one persons I really wish I could help.

I will be back with more WORDS and sometimes I can be quite entertaining. I have lots of people in my life who see me in a better light. MOST of all I have a FOREVER FRIEND. JESUS LOVES ME...THIS I KNOW...and I'm told I can lay anything down at his feet. HE will take my burdens and HE will always care.

I also have a dream that is summed up in an older song...SOMEWHERE OUT THERE...A few of the words say "out where dreams come true" and this is a song I've given to a grandson. It says "even though I know how very far apart we are, it helps to think we might be wishing on the same bright star." CAN YOU HEAR ME...FAMILY?...

I will always care...It's what a mother does. So...Good night and keep on wishing, but most of all keep on PRAYING! I AM!

Alane says...